


good for us

by the_mixed_up_files_of_me



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wish they had more scenes together, a much needed interaction, yeah idk what this fic is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_mixed_up_files_of_me/pseuds/the_mixed_up_files_of_me
Summary: ❛Jared offhandedly comments, almost subconsciously, "You're actually pretty interesting to talk to.""Actually?" Alana is amused."Alright," he amends, "You are an interesting person, Alana Beck.""Well, thank you, Jared Kleinman."❜





	good for us

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've literally never written about Jared x Alana and I don't think I've seen any content for them...but I think they could have really interesting shipping potential. So this fic was thus produced XD Happy reading!

There's burning emotions running through her bloodstream, knotting up into a tangled web in her mind.

She feels conned. Gullible. Deceived. Humiliated.

No one else understands. There's no one to talk to about it.

At the end of the day, Alana Beck, the girl with all the connections and all the followers, is completely alone.

And the loneliness is eating her alive.

 _Did Evan feel like this?_ she bitterly wonders. _Is this loneliness what drove him to lie in my face over and over again?_

Alana has to talk to someone, she has to vent her feelings. They're bubbling, threatening to explode at any moment. Not wanting to be caged in her room any longer, Alana grabs her coat and rushes outside into the crisp night air.

Her feet know where she is going before her mind does. With the drumming sound of her heartbeat, it's in time with each solid step on pavement.

Jared Kleinman isn't surprised to see her on the other side of the door. Half of him thought it would be Evan but that's just another desperate thought, like all the other ones that flared up when the phone rang or a text message lit up his screen.

Truth be told, he doesn't mind talking to Alana. She'd always been hanging around Evan, been a staple figure in The Connor Project...naturally they talked, a lot.

"How could he do this?"

Alana spits this out as soon as Jared's bedroom door shuts behind them. They'd barely said anything when she came inside, when he lead her upstairs.

Now the lid is unscrewed and everything is spilling out.

"Does it cross his mind to be slightly sorry?" Alana can feel her anger climaxing; her throat is tight, her skin is tingling, her heart seems to rattle her ribcage. "Did he have fun dragging everyone around? I always thought Evan was weird but I had no idea he was ever capable of this. He _lied_. About everything. And I _believed_ him. I went along with everything and for what? Nothing. He probably isn't even sorry, he got everything out of this and we have nothing left."

Jared is silent, sitting on the edge of his bed, listening to her rant. His bedroom isn't very spacious; her clipped paces around the room have to pause every few feet to avoid strewn laundry or school books. Almost stumbling over a geography textbook, Alana presses on:

"That's the worst part, as selfish as that sounds. The fact that I was so freaking naive and completely trusted Evan. I believed everything he said and I never usually do that with anyone and the one time I do, I get stepped on."

Jared lets Alana swear and unravel all of her anger, completely quiet until Alana asks him, "How could he do this?"

This is when Jared finally replies, "I've been thinking about it all, obviously. I mean, I get why he did it."

Alana pauses, her breath catching in her throat. "What do you mean?"

Jared sighs, drawn out and tired. He's really tired, in more ways that physical. "C'mon Alana, look at Evan. His dad's a loser, his mom is gone 24/7, I was his one friend and I only was because I was _paid_ to."

She can feel her breathing starting to slow down, the crackling fire of rage beginning to be tampered down with this new information. "I didn't know that."

"So, yeah, that's the worst part to me. The fact that he didn't do this to be mean, because then we could just hate his guts and not give a crap, but he did this because he was totally, one-hundred-percent _alone_ and didn't know how to get out of it. It was completely screwed up, what he did, but I can't say that I don't get why he did it. I should have seen this coming." Jared pauses, running his tongue across his dry lips. Saying all of these thoughts that he had kept in his head is simultaneously uncomfortable but also a relief. "As much as I want to, I can't hate him, not entirely."

Alana doesn't say anything. The clock on the wall ticks, methodically. Jared swings his legs, his sneakers hitting the wood bed frame over and over again.

"You have no idea how much I want to hate him right now but I just can't. Which is so stupid, because I really, really want to," Jared continues, shrugging his shoulders, "It's all messed up, I don't know what to think anymore."

All of Jared's words and Evan's story are swirling around in Alana's mind. So Evan did know what it was like to feel all alone in the universe; Alana's bitter thoughts from earlier proved to be correct after all.

Sitting down on the floor, Alana feels her red hot anger fade into grey resignation.

"What now?" Alana distantly murmurs.

Jared keeps kicking the bed and doesn't say anything for a long time. So long, that Alana wonders if he even heard her.

At last, he says, "I'm really hungry."

This is not what Alana expected him to say but then again, no one can never expect what Jared will say or do. "What?"

"I said that I'm hungry."

Alana isn't hungry, not with her stomach in knots, but she follows him down the stairs and into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, he hands her a carton of ice cream and locates two spoons. Nodding his head towards the front step, Alana goes with him outside and sits down beside him.

The air is clear and crisp; winter is coming, Alana can feel it in her bones. To eat ice cream in this weather seems ridiculous and she is adamantly against it, refusing to take the spoon from him. Pulling her jacket tighter around her, she watches as he calmly begins to eat, unfazed by the coldness.

Alana wishes she could be so unaffected by things.

Discomfort comes over her as she replays their conversation in the bedroom; she pulled back a lot of layers and left herself completely exposed. In the moment, spilling out all of her insecurities felt like a relief but now she wonders if Jared knows too much about her. All of her facades that she puts up around people make her feel safe; after all, who can dislike her if no one actually knows the real Alana Beck?

Without even realising it, she let Jared glimpse the real Alana Beck. Whether he knows this or not is a mystery to her, one that she doesn't want to venture into asking about.

Jared asks her if she's feeling better. Alana is subdued. The weight of the situation, the heaviness of it all has finally sunk in and her clinical side is aware that certain things need to be addressed and handled.

Alana eventually says, "We'll have to take down the website."

Jared nods. "Come up with some excuse about our mission being completed...people have been saved and it's time for a new cause, that sort of bullcrap that people like to hear."

"Should we tell everyone...or let him?" Alana asks.

Jared swallows another spoonful of ice cream. "The people that need to know, do now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am."

Alana lets that subject rest, somewhat at ease by Jared's assuredness. Her tension begins to let go of her, enabling her to take a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cool night air.

They don't say anything for several minutes. Alana watches their shadows on the grass illuminated by the outdoor light that hangs above them. Her shadow looks so much bigger, so much more impressive than she feels. Shadow Alana is too similar to the version of herself she masquerades as for everyone else.

Diverting her attention, Alana turns to Jared. "Do you think you'll forgive him?"

Jared casually gestures with his free hand. "If I want another year of car insurance, I'll probably have to."

His tone is light but his eyes are serious. Forgiveness will not come overnight, Jared already knows this, but it will come one day. Not all at once, or even in a formal 'I forgive you' sort of way; but maybe the memories will just begin to dissolve over time and he'll be able to look Evan in the eyes again.

And that's enough for him.

Alana wonders if it can be enough for her too.

Alana reaches for the second spoon silently and does not have to ask for Jared to share the carton with her. He moves closer, holding it out to her and she accepts it readily.

"Once everything disbands...The Connor Project, the works...you're going to go back to the honour roll and I'll go back to the nerd lab. Does that sound right?"

Alana never considered this until now. After The Connor Project began, the walls that the various cliques put up had seemed to disappear. They'll be back up again once all is said and done, of that she has no doubt. "That sounds about right."

"That kinda sucks," Jared offhandedly comments, almost subconsciously, "You're actually pretty interesting to talk to."

" _Actually_?" Alana is amused.

"Alright," he amends, "You are an interesting person, Alana Beck."

"Well, thank you, Jared Kleinman."

The ice cream is sweet on her tongue. "I suppose we could always find a way to have more conversations on doorsteps with ice cream in the freezing cold," she drily tells him and his laughter is an alleviation of her stress.

"Good for us," Jared replies mildly and agreeably, the simple gesture of his knee brushing lightly against her's filling in all of the unspoken blanks.

His eyes are focused on night sky stretching out ahead of them, but he thinks that he sees Alana smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Comments and kudos always welcomed! Xoxoxo <333


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